If Your Baby Daddy Moved On, So Can You

Hello everyone.

Welcome to “If Your Baby Daddy Has Moved On, So Can You.” I am Professor Jefferson and I hope you find this lecture very fulfilling and thought provoking. We begin today by talking about taking that next step in your life.

Relationships of any kind are hard to shake out of your system. There are the photos, the gifts and the memories. Most of these things you can put in a box and dump it in the trash. However, in our situation you are left with a constant reminder in the form of a child. No matter what they said in Nebraska you cannot give it back or drop it off somewhere. In the majority of these situations we end up with custody of the children and the fathers continue their lives without the constant responsibility of raising a child. That alone can be an issue of contempt but we can take the lead and go on as well.

Erykah Badu’s song “Bag Lady” comes to mind when I think about this issue. Why do we carry such a load? These days most bags are made with wheels to make it easier for us to carry. But should we really invite more than we are willing to bear? Emotional baggage is dangerous because like actual luggage it can break us down and lead to several other issues that will impede progress. Looking at someone whom once declared that he would die for you walk on with the next woman is hard to bear but so is that bag. Ladies put it down.

I know it is easy to say but just start by downsizing. Look at the contents of your bag. What do you need? What can you do without? What is just taking up space? Take inventory on your emotions and see how you can lighten your load. Remember Jacob Marley from, “A Christmas Carol”? He wore all of those chains in death for all of the evil he did in life. That’s baggage. Imagine lugging that around everywhere, emotionally. Every time you met a nice person you couldn’t let them in because your heart was guarded and your bags wouldn’t let him get close.

I may not know each and every individual situation but I do know there is a reason why the relationship ended. Feeling betrayed because of the time invested is natural and seeing someone else benefit from all of your hard work is worse but it is ok. All of that energy spent on him can be spent on you. That’s where it should have gone in the first place. I try to live my life enjoying the experience of meeting new people and trying to take something from it. If you attack any situation in this matter it will make you a well rounded person in the end.

I can relate because I found myself at the end of an eight year relationship with a six year old child and one on the way. I was devastated with the way it ended but it was harder to bear with the way that he seemed to move on so easily. This caused me to realize you can’t argue by yourself neither can you save a relationship that way. I can admit that I was hurt but after looking at me and finding what I thought I lost in the trials of love, I found a way to move on.

The father of my children is now married to a nice lady and they have a son. I have not yet taken the plunge and I am not even in a relationship but I can tell you that if I focused my time and energy on, why couldn’t he get it together for me? I would never be the mother I am today or the person I am for me. Being bitter is not conducive to a peace of mind. This ordeal gave me a chance to take a real good look at myself and find out what I really wanted from life; what I could do to make me happy. His happiness should not evoke bitterness because it is no longer about him. It’s about you and how you are going to be like a Phoenix that rises and rebuilds. Your happiness will cause a better relationship between you to raise a well adjusted child.

Are there any questions or comments? Please raise your hand.